To Be Consumed

Thoughts from a sleepless night…

May you find yourself at liberty not only to nurture what you’ve become, but also to continue to form new aspects of yourself. For to have this kind of freedom, surely is a gift. But do not waste this freedom—this ability to be multifaceted—by the consumption of only one aspect of yourself. The result will only do to squander that said aspect, and to compromise you as a whole person.

As C.S. Lewis rightly said, “The worst thing that we can do for our self is to take any one impulse, and set it up as the one aspect of our nature that we follow at all costs.”

In his book, East of Eden, John Steinbeck also wrote of our obsessions and impulses, and of what sometimes is the duty of friends to free each other from such consuming thoughts.

Samuel said satirically, “It’s my duty to take this thing of yours and kick it in the face, then raise it up and spread slime on it thick enough to blot out its dangerous light…. I should hold it up to you muck-covered and show you its dirt and danger. I should warn you to look closer until you can see how ugly it really is. I should ask you to think of inconstancy and give you examples. I should give you Othello’s handkerchief. Oh, I know I should. And I should straighten you out of your tangled thoughts, and show you that the impulse is gray as lead and rotten as a dead cow in wet weather. If I did my duty well, I could give you back your old life and feel good about it, and welcome you back… It is the duty of a friend. I had a friend who did the duty once for me.”

However, the reality is that we probably already have been, and will continue to be consumed in many ways in life. That is an unavoidable part of our humanity. But may we recognize these impulses and obsessions, and be prepared to battle them bravely. So that we may nurture all formed and potential aspects of whom we are, and could be.

Interpret these words—as you will—to your own consumptions…


When it comes…
What will it do?

Rush through my veins?
Burst my transparent walls?
Exist in my heart?
Pound heavy against my life?
Shiver upon my skin?
Exploit my vulnerability?

When it comes…
How will it arrive?

Without warning?
Already a part of me,
Before I could decide?
Or will it creep slowly?
Will I sense it, and
Have time and strength
To fight it?

When it comes…
What will it be?

My life?
My death?
All that I see?
All that I breathe?
But why should it become
Anymore than what it is?
A burden it has no right to be.

When it comes…
Will it take over?

Will it be my only?
My everything?
Does it have to be my obsession?
Could I be so consumed?
So distracted from all else?
A prisoner of my own passions?
Unchain me!

Please! I pray.
Do not let it alter
My life all together.
Please! I pray.
Let me escape
From this wicked parasite.
Please! I pray.
Let me be.

LET ME BE!